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The Newly-Lunarized's Helpful Handbook

This is a fairly intriguing bit of popular proselytizing for the White Moon Movement, in an effort to win converts within the Provinces. The irreverence of the author certainly helped keep it in circulation well outside the boundaries of the Fiscal Anarchists who promulgated the pamphlet. 

Formal bans of politically suspicious material were often more honored in the breach than in the respecting, of course. Despite the best results of the Spoken Word and the Examiners, these ideas proved difficult to quarantine and contain. It is, however, a blessing that they preserved and maintained so much of this subversive literature. We would be much poorer today if not for their taxidermist instincts. 

Preface

It is with some trepidation that I record and bind the following document. Firstly, neither I nor any of the other scholars here can be assured that it is truly authoritative, as the means of publication used for this pamphlet are such that the number of errors, interpolations, and outright alterations are manifold, to the point where recovering the original would require a vast stock of different variants to compare, something which the Spoken Word has been most unhelpful with. Nevertheless, if not authoritative, this document is certainly somewhat close to the medial form as we have identified it. 

As for the nature of this document, if you’re already reading this, you should know well what it is, why it was in the section of the library it was in, and that you should probably be putting this codex down and walking away if you are unsure of the answer to either of those questions. But for some remote posterity, I shall record a brief explanation here.

This document is a pamphlet that emerged within the Provinces some years ago, towards the later period of the 7th Wane, and quickly spread through them, penetrating the Heartlands, and also making its mischievous way outwards. By the end of the 7th Wane, copies were said to be found in the Arrolian Properties, and the redactor herself can remember quite well having a copy waved at her by a Pentan from the deep grasslands when she went on the Kralori caravan some years ago. 

Needless to say, it is utterly suspicious and as a consequence has been formally banned anywhere the Spoken Word has authority. It remains a matter of official uncertainty whether that has dampened the flow. We present this here only for archival purposes.

- Jorgeva suren Jakaleel, Graclodont Irrippi Ontor Temple (Older)

The blessings of Sedenya and Deneskerva lie upon this book. The curses of Natha and Danfive Xaron upon any who betray its secrets.

I. What To Know About Sedenya

Well, how d’you do, fine lasses, lads, and laxes? Gotten yourself a little dab of the true religion? Unsure you want to stick around with that thin porridge they call the Lunar Provincial Church out here, and call “Oh, That” back up in Glamour? Or maybe you’ve just been plucked out from the Provincials and the Auxilia, given a hearty clap on the back and a real iron kopis and scimitar, and told it’s time to be a woman and start following Yanafal Tarnils. Regardless, those of us who were not so fortunate as to be raised in the Way of Our Sedenya frequently have some noisome preconceptions to shake off. I’ll start by getting some frequent misunderstandings out of the way. 

CLAIM: You have to be crazy to worship the Red Goddess. 

FACT: This is completely incorrect. You only have to be crazy to worship Our Sedenya if you want to experience the full communion with the Red Goddess and ascend the Lunar Way. If you want to hold on to your sanity, shivering out in the cold with the loser gods like Orl-nth and St-rm B-ll and all them, that is your prerogative. 

CLAIM: The Red Goddess demands human sacrifice.

FACT: No, it’s only the Yara Aranis, Hon-eel, Gorgorma, Annilla, certain regimental cults, and the Teelo Norri cult on a bad day which demand human sacrifices. The Red Goddess herself never touches the stuff. 

CLAIM: The Lunar Way demands submission to the Red Emperor. 

FACT: It depends on the Mask. Magnificus bottomed. Argenteus is widely believed to be a sub, too. 

CLAIM: New Pelorian is a magical language that alters the perceptions of the speaker, reader, and writer in order to guide them to the insights of the Lunar Way. 

FACT: And? Still doesn’t stop me from getting into screaming matches when the innkeepers tell me that I have to pay my “bills”, even though we’re doing it in the most refined New Pelorian we possess, wherein every curse is like a blossoming flower. 

CLAIM: The worship of the Red Goddess is incompatible with the worship of the traditional gods of my people. 

FACT: If that were the case, then converts would be struck down by the spirits of retribution. You see me going around looking like I mugged a Mostali for their face? There you go. 

CLAIM: The Red Goddess is Shepelkirt, poison blood dripping into the world.

FACT: The Red Moon is solid, barbarians. You see it dripping anything down from the sky? 

CLAIM: The Lunar Way embraces Chaos.

FACT: You can say that, but I can proudly say that I have never, ever, hugged a broo or a scorpionman. 

Obviously, these objections out of the way, your mind should be cleared for Sevenfold Meditation. If you are merely on Threefold or Fourfold Meditation, don’t worry, just read this pamphlet over and over again until it falls apart and you’re caught in an ecstatic glimpse of the Red Moon and the Goddess Herself.

Done with meditating? Do it some more.

There, that’s better. Now you’re prepared to learn about what you have to know about Sedenya herself in order to be a true worshipper of her. 

Let us start from the beginning. Sedenya is insane. What do I mean by that? What I mean is that if you pray to the Red Goddess and get a seemingly coherent answer with a straightforward meaning, you fucked up somewhere. Probably in your interpretation of Sedenya’s answer. Keep wriggling away looking for some double-meaning, new converts! It’s a better use of your time than praying directly to the Big Boss Herself. Learn how to deal with bureaucracy like the rest of us. 

Sedenya is also all-embracing. When they say “We Are All Us”, they mean it! You can do whatever you want to the full contentedness of your wicked little souls, and Sedenya will still count you as one of Us, even when you’re being hauled up before a magistrate to have all your limbs broken one at a time for starting a city-devastating fire. (And guess who had to be the woman to actually carry that punishment out? Right in front of the smoking hot Deezola priestess who offered some personal instruction in the mysteries of Sevening to me? No, I don’t miss the army life at all.) Anyways, you’re one of Us now, so you’d better act like it. 

Sedenya is constantly changing. So you’d better be constantly changing things too. No more wearing the same outfit day after day. Little-known fact- “White Shirt Day” in Tallstar, or whatever that barbarian place is called, was merely intended to communicate this message, in the traditional Lunar way where nobody knows what the fuck is going on until well after the fact. Change your look, change your voice, turn on, tuck in, and drop out. 

Finally, Sedenya is loving. While frequent sex is not a cultic requirement (though those of you who’ve been at a noble’s parties might well be confused on this point) it is very important to express your love in some fashion or another to help keep yourself on the Lunar Way in small ways even as you deviate from it in large ones. Feed stray animals. Blow kisses at pretty people. Punch a barbarian. Live a life of love. 

II. What To Know About Other Gods

Let’s say you happen to be literate, or just rich enough to pay a scribe to read to you, and you go to the local Irrippi Ontor temple and sit down and say, “I want to learn about the Lunar Way and the gods who’ve embraced Our Sedenya.” Nine times out of ten, they will pull out the scrolls for the Entekosiad or the Sedenyic Verses or one of the elaborate verse forms of The Lives Of Sedenya or, in truly terrifying instances, Plentonius. Soon you’ll be caught in a confused maze of Jernoties, left reeling into the street, in a state ripe for spontaneous awakening but also to being pickpocketed. 

Don’t worry. This guide will explain everything.

Taraltara: Don’t worry. 

Sedenya: The goddess who sits on the Red Moon up in the sky and does divine things. 

Rufelza: The Red Moon itself. Or herself.

Verithurusa, Lesilla, Gerra, Rashorana, Ulurda, Natha, Zaytenera: Seriously, don’t worry. 

Moonson: The Red Emperor, the son of Sedenya, left behind to administer the mortal world when she ascended. Goes through a succession of different Masks as needed.

Deneskerva: Great Sister, the older sister of Moonson, responsible for boxing his ears whenever he’s getting too big for his own toga. 

Etyries: Ascended merchant who was a mortal companion of the Red Goddess when she walked the earth, chief missionary of the Lunar Way. Her priestesses have the good hazia. 

Valare Addi: Ascended scholar who was a mortal companion of the Red Goddess when she walked the earth, patron deity of everyone who’s thought they’ve had it all worked out and then had some unwanted fact come along and bust everything up. Her priestesses are few but they have the good hard drugs. 

Deezola, Jakaleel the Witch, Teelo Norri, Yanafal Tarnils, Danfive Xaron, Irrippi Ontor: You know who these are. 

She Who Waits: I asked a learned scholar, a philosopher, and a mystic about her once and the ensuing fight was deeply entertaining to watch. 

The Young Elementals: They’re elementals and they’re young. There’s no sylph among them. Traditionalists from the Heartlands will piously say this proves that breathing is corrupt and wicked. 

The Twin Stars: Many is the time when I’ve gotten my bearings after a night of indulgences by these two lovely gods. 

Hwarin Dalthippa: My patron goddess, of fighting, building, having lots of hot sex, and making peace. I am only halfway good at following her dictates. 

Yara Aranis: Her statues are freaky but she protects us all from horses. Something like that. I can never go into a Temple of the Reaching Moon without being well-fortified first. 

Hon-Eel the Artess: Look, she did most of her deeds out here in the Provinces, you damn well know about her!

Orogeria: Hunting goddess, her statues always make her look like a stone cold fox despite her, well, barbarianish outfit. 

Entekos: I told you not to worry. 

ReDalaMa: Look, I said don’t worry, I meant don’t worry.

This should have cleared up any questions you may have had. 

III. Imperial Obligations

Pay your taxes, but be creative about what constitutes “your” taxes. 

IV. The Obligations of the Lunar Way

We are all Us. The Victory shall be Ours. If you meditate on these precepts for the length of time I have, at all hours of the day and the night, in tents and in barracks, tangled in the sheets of noblewomen and huddling on top of straw with a cottager girl, looking up at the stars and down at the soil, staring into the sea, taking deep breaths, contemplating the creeping dark, and looking up and seeing the comforting glow, which even on the nights of the Dead Moon still seeps out if you know how best to look, then you shall come to the place I have arrived at. 

No chains will be able to bind you. No punishment will deter you. Spears will pierce your flesh, and clubs break your bones, but you will laugh them off and endure. You shall see the suffering of the helpless and weep unjaded tears, you shall see moments of joy and laugh in the purest delight. You will know the full depth of your soul, you will have the full awareness of your body. You will understand Usness. You will see without eyes. You will hear without ears. You will speak without a tongue. You will fly through the air on wings of moonlight. 

No living or unliving thing shall be your enemy. 

The day will soon come when all tears be wiped away, all bellies filled, all hearts mended, when the light of the First Sun shall once again bathe the ground, when there shall neither be slave nor noble, when all kings and emperors will take off their crowns and share them with anyone who asks. 

Until that day,

Watch and wait. Be patient, but be willing to reach out. Show them the secret way. And the victory will be ours. 

Reyhan

The Newly-Lunarized’s Helpful Handbook!


The blessings of Sedenya are on this pamphlet. Let those who would profane it try. The Light of Zaytenera which is the Light of Verithurusa will still their pens. 

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