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Ostraca at an Exhibition

 "Prince Argrath is the kindest, bravest, warmest, most wonderful human being I've ever met in my life." 

-Harmast Fumblefingers, reformed Lunar, ten seconds after someone mentioned Argrath's name. 

"They're putting phytoesrolians in the water that're turning the frickin' frogs gay!"

-Iskandar Jonesius, of the Prince's household, commenting on Newtling marriage.

"Don't you worry, Prince Argrath, these Seven Mothers hippie pinkos, faggots, and girldykes are incapable of knocking over a food cart, and we've got five thousand of the stormiest bullyboys ready to pound 'em into the gravel if they so much as think about a drum circle."

-Iason Edgarios Hooveron, Director of Sartar Internal Security

 "To all our wayward daughters:

The day is arriving when we shall rise up and LIBERATE Dragon Pass from this Argrath Dragontooth! Remember Kallyr! Remember Aldachur! Gather, my daughters, outside of Dunstop. Assemble and await our commands!" 

-Lunar Office of Peace Information pamphlet distributed through Sartar and ex-Lunar Tarsh, first seen two weeks before the massacre of 1000 Storm Bulls of the SIS outside of Dunstop.

"Fazzur? I piss on the man. Actually, I pissed on him, really- he was a frequent customer at the She-Wolf's Aqueduct in happier days. Still, what an utter criminal. Smirking, trying to keep his prick in his army regulation booty shorts, as he signed the orders for the Duck Hunt. Man of honor indeed." 

 -Theodora Calixia, General of the Waxing Crescent, interviewed by the Jillaro Tribune shortly before the campaign season of 1634.

 "Onjur? Injured." 

-General Calixia's bodyguard "Knives" Chao, following the capture of Onjur Fazzursson the Poet, seditionist and man with desperately poor taste in lieges, towards the end of the campaign season of 1634.

"HAVE MADE OUR CONTACT WITH FAITHFUL OF HENDIRA STOP 

SEND MORE LUBRICANT STOP 

WILL BE READY FOR OFFENSIVE OPERATIONS ETA NEXT SEASON STOP 

HENDIRAS DAUGHTERS SEND THEIR REGARDS STOP"

 -Selenograph, believed to have been sent by a member of the elite Lunar special forces team "Thin Mints".

 "This is absurd. Nobody was ever loyal to Hendira, who was a slut, a whore, a trollop, a harlot, a traitor, a blind nationalist, a fallen woman, a cocksucker, a giver of mediocre head, a Lunar puppet, a master manipulator, hidebound conservative and dangerous radical, and a cruel tyrant Samastina the Glorious liberated us from. Oh, Samastina, how I wish I could clean your well-trimmed carpet like in the old days, before women required the Prince of Sartar's approval to have sex with each other!" 

-"Samastinaluvr1589", public personality in Nochet.

"The Lunar Army never had as much sex as this."

-A scribe dismissing Procopia Magnifica's Secret History of Glamour Boudoirs.

"All I know is that they started giving us ice to keep our [REDACTED] cooled down. That was, uh, 1633. Summer."

-Former Centurion of Volunteers, Alma Simplicia.

"Who keeps redacting my [REDACTED] memoranda? I put a lot of [REDACTED] effort into these. We got an infestation of [REDACTED] Malkioni again?" 

-Theodora Calixia

"No comment."

-Great Sister, seconds before pressing a button and making the redactions stop.

"What do you mean, 'It's all just a desert'? There are over one million Lunars in that river valley, eating holes in reality with every Chaotic 'taco', and you're telling me that when you cross the stream into Upper Peloria it's just a desert?" 

-Prince Argrath

"There are signs that say, 'Welcome to South Dakota', too." 

-One of the Bush Children, serving as a scout for Argrath.

"For the good of the country, and in consultation with fifteen of my parallel selves, I have decided to go ahead with Project E Pluribus Jareelicum. It was this or the Gundams." 

-Jar-Eel, the Razoress, soon to be beside herself. 

"Where was I when the Red Moon fell? Well- ah, hold on, my eyes just flashed red again, didn't they? I don't know why that keeps happening! 

Just listen to my voice as I slowly count backwards from ten... that's it. 

Drop for me. 

The Red Moon has fallen. 

Sartar won. 

You do not have bat wings and a cute bat nose. 

You were never eaten by a bat." 

- ?

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